Waffle Tacos and Rappers

What should you do if you enjoy waffles, eggs, and sausage for breakfast, but you don’t want to cook your breakfast, or you just don’t have any time? No problem. Starting on March 27th, Taco Bell will start selling the Waffle Taco for breakfast, nationwide. taco-bell-breakfast-waffle

Those of you that know me well know that I rather not eat, than eat fast food. Better call it blast food instead of fast food, because that’s what it does to your rear end. Even if I have been working all day, training clients, doing boot-camps, and I have not eaten for hours, I rather wait and eat at home than eat fast food. Because I am not a fan of fast food, the Waffle Taco looks disgusting. It should be sold with toilet paper because it looks like you will need it a few hours after its consumption. I have a simple theory: If you eat grease you will poop grease. And if you are one of those folks that believes Mexican food gives you gas, the shits, and it’s fattening, you are correct in your assumption if Taco Bell is what you consider genuine Mexican Food. But aren’t those XXL Steak Nachos from Taco Bell so yummy?

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They might be yummy, but even if you share them with a friend, that’s still 600 calories a piece, and I guarantee you will be on the toilet complaining “Mexican food shreds my guts and butt every time!” Yes it does make your guts rumble, because it’s from Taco Bell. Just think about the quality or lack there of, of the meat and cheese they must be using to sell food for so cheap.

My fast food beef, pun very much intended, is with those of you trying to lose weight, who have the financial means to eat healthier, but you refuse to do so. Fast food is not going to help your weight loss efforts, no matter if you’re rich, poor, or anywhere in between. You will only lose weight on a fast food diet if you consume less than 2,000 calories a day total, from it and other foods. And please don’t believe that it is mostly those in poverty that eat fast food. That is B.S! How do I know? Because sometimes for shits and giggles I will sit by a McDonald’s drive through to see the types of cars that visit the golden arches. And guess what I see? Yep, you guessed right. I see cars that describe the opposite of poverty, driven by moms wearing expensive glasses, and teenagers in the front and back seats of those cars wearing Beats By Dre plugged into their i phone 7, 8, 9, or whatever number they are currently on. Aren’t those headphones like 300 bucks or something? Damn!! You go Dre.

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Above, that is Dr. Dre, yes, the Beats Headphones guy, wearing the blue L.A. Dodger hat, and that is Ice Cube on the far left wearing an N.W.A. jacket. This is the group that started gangster rap. The group came together around 1988. That’s so long ago that Drake the rapper was about 2 years old and Nicki Minaj was about 6. Does anyone know what N.W.A. stands for? Just kidding. If you don’t know what N.W.A. stands for, go check it out.

Do you want to know why I believe that anyone can lose weight? Because if Dr. Dre can go from producing songs for N.W.A in the late 1980’s, and selling albums with zero radio play, to currently convincing America and the world that adults and their children need 300 dollar headphones, anything is possible.

And if you think those dudes in the picture above look pissed, you should go listen to their music from back then. Facial expression and rap lyrics match to a T. After you go to Taco Bell today or tomorrow and you bust a grub and poop, go to You Tube and look up “Straight Outta Compton” by N.W.A. The first rapper to rap on that song is Ice Cube. Yes that Ice Cube. The one from the “Friday” movies and Coors commercials. He was angry in his N.W.A. days, but he has chilled out considerably. I think success and money quenches anger flames, just a tad.

The first time I heard the N-word blaring out of my boombox speakers, it was from N.W.A. I couldn’t believe my ears and I had to rewind the cassette tape, yes cassette tape, over and over to make sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing.

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And sure enough I was hearing the N-Word. I was amazed by N.W.A.’s ability to express their inner city frustrations through beats and rap lyrics. I was even inspired. My boombox had the ability to record so I recorded myself rapping. My rap went something like this (try not to laugh, I was just a teenager) “My favorite cartoon is Scooby Doo, my favorite color is blue, watchagonna do?” After I played my rap back for my own self critique, I quit. LOL. Well I kept on writing raps that morphed into poems. Then those poems morphed into short stories. And now those short stories have morphed into a collection of stories from my teenage years that somehow is turning into a novel. It’s coming along great. My book is about 70% complete, so stay tuned. Thanks N.W.A. In a strange way you inspired me to write, and even blog.

Hopefully I can inspire my weight loss nation to cut back on fast food. But it has been a challenge to do so. I have learned that humans have a difficult time changing their habits, even if it is for health benefits. Unless they get a health scare, like diabetes, fatty liver disease, or some smoking related illness, most humans resist lifestyle change.

Oh, before I forget. I saw another food the other day that made me say WTF!

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What ever happened to the days of eating potato chips because they taste like potato chips? What’s next, Oreo cookie flavored hot dogs? Or how about Rocky Road flavored pizza? Don’t laugh, that’s the direction we are headed in.

Should You Eat Less Or Move More?

If you could only do one, eat less or exercise, which one would you pick for weight loss? Your answer should be to eat less.

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Remember, you cannot out walk, jog, run, sprint, or out weight-lift a bad diet. But you can counter inactivity with eating less. Of course, moving more and eating less is the optimal way to lose weight. But if you had to choose only one, eating less is the way to go.

The following is for all you 30 and over folks. You know when you get together with a group of friends over food and drink and the subject of weight loss comes up and someone inevitably says “Wasn’t it so much easier in your teens and twenties to stay thin?” as they devour their sixth chicken wing slathered in creamy high calorie sauce. Well was it really easier to stay thin in your youth? Things are changing.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 18% of 6-11 year olds in the U.S. are obese, not overweight, but obese. And 18.4% of 12-19 year olds are obese, again, not overweight, but obese. So what happened to our theory that when someone is younger it is so much easier to keep the weight off?¬† What is happening to 1/5 of our youth that they can’t keep the weight off? The following is my opinion. I don’t think it’s that our youth can’t keep the weight off as much as that as the years pass, they eat more and more and gain weight.

When you look back and remember a thinner you, you are probably remembering someone who ate less food, drank less sugar, and was more active. You were also in the process of gaining weight and didn’t really notice it because weight gain is gradual. No one wakes up one day and is like “Holy shit, I gained 50 pounds overnight!” It might feel like you gain weight overnight, but you don’t.

69% of people 20 and over in the U.S. are overweight. That’s almost 7 out of 10! And no matter how you slice that pie, our nation is gaining weight in all demographics. Little by little, the good old days of younger people being thin are disappearing. Why? Because as Americans, we eat more and more everyday. But because people aren’t very accurate/honest when it comes to food consumption, it is difficult to calculate how much more we are eating as a society now. Some estimates have the calorie increase as low as 500 per day now day in the 1970’s, and other estimates have us consuming as much as 1,000 additional calories per person, per day, now than in 1970. Who knows what the truth is, but what we do know is that collectively we do eat more.

And boy do we love sugar. Check out the following.

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And this is how you burn it off.

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Notice that in order to burn off those extra calories there was no mention of sitting in front of a TV, your tablet, or your Intelligent Phone. You gotta move! And Tweeting, texting, sexting (if you’re into that), Face Booking, and playing Call of Duty is not exercise. Walking the mall is not exercise either. That is life, and so is walking the dog and washing your car.

This one just blew my mind. Since I am not a sugar drinker myself, it really blew my mind. Like WTF!!!!!!!

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Really America! We are consuming almost 40 pounds of added sugar from sugar drinks per year, per person. Que La Chingada! That’s WTF in Spanish. If you are trying to lose weight and want to lose weight, p-u-t t-h-e s-u-g-a-r d-r-i-n-k-s d-o-w-n. If you’re thin, not diabetic or pre-diabetic, then you can probably enjoy your Coke with a smile.

And for those of you who are thinking “Sugar drinks are fine, they won’t affect my health”, think again. Check this out.

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Yep, sugar drinks mess with your health too. And if you are always drinking carbonated sugar drinks and your stomach is so jacked up that you’re always reaching for antacids, give those sugar drinks and your intestinal track a break.

So there you have it my Weight Loss Nation. If you want to lose weight you should focus on your eating habits and definitely replace sugar drinks with water. If you’re having a hard time putting the sugar drinks down, ask yourself the following question “What is more important, my health and weight loss or drinking sugar?” Your answer to that question will let you know how serious you are about your weight loss. And how serious you are about your weight loss will determine how much weight you lose.

And don’t let anyone convince you that because you like or enjoy something, like sugar, you are addicted to it. Man up, or woman up, and just admit that you like sugar so much that at times your rather have a soda than drink water. Once you have it in your head that you are the one that makes that soda drinking choice, and not some uncontrollable sugar hungry demon in your soul, it will be easier to let that sugar urge go. Be accountable for your health. You are in control of your body.

Two last things. Ladies, if you eat and drink like a man, you will weigh what a man weighs. And, I was talking to a woman once, I think she is in her forties. She has two kids and has always maintained a healthy weight. I asked her what she did to stay trim? She said “If I start to gain weight, I cut back on my food.” BRILLIANT!! No apps or fancy electric bracelets needed. She just cuts back on food.

 

Diet Drill Instructor

Hello everyone. If you’re on the East kizoast, that’s coast in Snoop Dog vernacular, never fear, spring is a few short weeks away. Well 5 weeks isn’t quite that short, but look how fast we went from New Year’s Day to today. Speaking of the New Year, remember those New Year’s Resolutions? Specifically the one that went like this: This year I will eat better, move more, and lose weight. How’s that going?

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Well if you haven’t lost any weight, or not as much as you thought you would by now, I will be giving you some Military Style Boot Camp rules for you to follow so you can drop some el bees. These rules are not up for debate either. No whining, complaining, or “Can I try this instead of that?” or “Can I eat this instead of that?” allowed. I will be your psychological diet Drill Instructor today. This will be a one way conversation with you just saying “Sir, yes sir!!” after all my diet demands. And just like my Marine Corps drill instructors back in 1991, if I ask you to do something regarding diet and exercise, I have done it before, and am probably currently doing it.

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Those are some bad asses above. None of them were my drill instructors. I got the picture off of the internet. Whoever they are, keep it up Drill Instructors! Make Marines out of our of willing young men and women, while I make weight losers out of the willing too. (Key word here is WILLING)

Here we go with the rules, ready? This is where you say “Sir, yes sir!!!!!”

1. Drink water with all your meals. This means no soda, juice, coconut milk, 5 dollar frappa-million-calorie-chinos from Starbucks, and all those other juices that I don’t know about.

2. Reduce drastically or even eliminate alcohol consumption for at least one month. “Oh no!! the horror of drinking less” you’re probably thinking. Well, if you are trying to lose weight and you drink more than 5 drinks per week, and you refuse to reduce your alcohol consumption, you are going to have a difficult time losing weight because alcohol, whether it be beers or liquor, is loaded with calories. Every client of mine who has reduced alcohol consumption has lost weight. And those that eliminate it for more than a month are always shocked at how fast the weight comes off.

3. MOVE!!!! You are not a sloth. Yes, you must start to move. There is no way around it. That means walk 1 mile a day, minimum. Walking a mile only takes about 20 minutes. In one year you would have walked 365 miles. In one year you will burn 45,625 calories by walking 1 mile a day! Ok, wait for it…here’s the wannabe drill instructor in me coming out. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND START TO MOVE!!!!

4. Stop eating like you’re never going to eat again. You are not starving, and chances are you’re not going to.

5. If you have a desk job, learn how much 2,000 calories is and don’t eat more than that per day.

6. Ladies, don’t eat or drink like a man. If you do, you will be as heavy as one.

7. Stop complaining about exercise. Unless you work construction, you probably don’t move enough, so get to moving.

8. Stop going to restaurants that serve you so much food that if an NFL lineman saw you eating those amounts he would say “God Damn! That’s a lot of food!”

9. Never ever go to a buffet! No one who is trying to lose weight needs to eat as much as they can, ever. Recovering alcoholics shouldn’t go to bars, right?

10. Eat at home, or food made at home, as much as you can. Because at home you know what you’re eating.

11. If you know cookies, ice-cream, potato chips, etc are your weakness, DO NOT have them in the house. A recovering cocaine addict shouldn’t have cocaine in the house, right?

And now for my drill instructor speech. (Remember this is all in fun). That is actually me below, as a recruit in Marine Corps boot-camp in 1991.

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Speech:

“Ok, listen up weight loss recruits. You are standing in front of me because you have committed to weight loss. Weight loss and fitness is earned, it is not handed out, it can’t be bought, and it can’t be inherited like money or good looks either. Let me say it for you. ‘Weight loss is a mother-fucker. It sucks!’ Is that right? Is that how you feel? Well, you should feel that way because most goals worth accomplishing are not easy to accomplish. If it was easy to lose weight, everyone would do it. And that my friends, is not the case. Just look around you. Over half of the United States is overweight. So obviously this weight gain thing is a problem, and a growing one too. But we have a choice. We can sit here and bitch and moan about how hard it is to lose weight, and how it’s an uphill battle, or we can do something about it. Who gives a shit what others are doing! It’s about what you want to do, which is to lose weight, and what you’re willing to do to get there. If you are fed up with being overweight, go ahead and cry. Let it out. Let out your frustrations in tears. You can even curse if you want. Yes, you can say “bitch, shit, fuck, God Damn, I am tired of being overweight” as tears stream down your face. Go ahead and try it. I always feel better after I cry, so you probably will too. But when I do cry, I don’t expect people to pity or baby me, and I won’t do that for you either. I am here to lead you. So be honest with yourself and commit to change. Get off your ass, drink your water, eat less, and do it every day. Your weight gain probably didn’t happen overnight, so the weight won’t leave overnight either. You can absolutely lose weight! Do you understand what it takes?”

This is where you stand at attention and scream at the top of your lungs, with conviction, “SIR, YES SIR!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The “F” Word

Let’s talk about the F word. No, not the 4 letter one that you say when you stub your toe, hit traffic on your way to an event you were supposed to be early for, or when your favorite team loses the SuperBowl. Sorry about that Denver Bronco fans. I’m talking about the three-letter one, as in F-A-T. Oh, that F word.

What is fat? Fat is just energy for use by the body. So if I eat a bacon-avocado double cheeseburger, which will be loaded with fat, I will  be consuming plenty of energy.

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And here’s where shit goes crazy. If you don’t use the burger above, that looks like it easily goes over 1,000 calories, for energy by moving, it will be stored as fat on your body for future use. Your body doesn’t know that you live in a time where food is everywhere and available all da time? It probably still thinks you’re a hunter gatherer, so it stores energy on your body as fat, for times of little or no food. I believe this is called scarcity.

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Look at the bear above. He will fatten up on salmon because he will go with no food for months during his hibernation. But we are not bears, despite the fact that I have eaten like one on several occasions. We do not hibernate either, as much as some of us would like too. And we absolutely do not need to fatten up, for health purposes.

And for all you vegetarians out there, please know that you can gain weight without eating meat. Anyone who consumes pasta, bread, cookies, home-made fruit juices, and sodas, and doesn’t burn those calories/energy off through movement, will also gain weight in the form of fat.

Now that does not mean that a calorie is just a calorie either. A slice of your favorite pie and a piece of chicken do not have the same effect on your body. Chicken is loaded with amino acids for muscle repair and most pies are loaded with sugar. If a calorie is just a calorie, then why can diabetics eat certain foods but are advised to reduce or eliminate others? Different foods effect our bodies in different ways.

But no matter the food, whether carbohydrate, protein, or fat, if your body does not use it as energy, it unfortunately will not poop it out. It will be stored as fat on your body. Any of you who own pets know this is also true with them. Give your pet too much food and not enough exercise, and he will gain weight. By the way, if you take super care of your dog, do the same for yourself too. You and your dog will be grateful.

Lean Boxer.

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And not so lean Boxer.

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The not so lean Boxer above does not have a thyroid issue either. Do dogs even have thyroid glands? Wait, just Googled it. They do have thyroid glands.

So if you are trying to lose weight, try to view the excess weight on your body as excess energy and not the defeating F word. That excess energy is waiting to be burned off. The best way to do that is to reduce your calories so your body can feed itself with its own fat, and to move, so it can further feed itself the energy it needs to accomplish your exercise activity of choice.

When people say “We need to burn the fat off” what they are really saying is “We need to move and reduce our calorie intake so that our bodies can feed on its own fat like a hibernating bear in Alaska”.

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I know we all have different reasons for consuming food. One of the worst reasons is for the hell of it. Our body needs food for the same reasons animals do, to survive. Nature hardwired us that way. What nature didn’t do is equip us with a mechanism that lets us know when we are full and should stop eating. That would be great, wouldn’t it? If while you were eating pizza and chicken wings slathered in some dipping sauce, and you reached your calorie allotment for the day a big DING! sound would go off in your brain telling you that you are full and you should stop eating. And there’s not even an app for that. There are apps to help you track your calorie intake, but only you can tell you when to stop eating.

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To Snack or Not To Snack?

What is a snack? I have no idea. Is a PB&J sandwich a snack? Are 3 Oreo cookies a snack? Is a slice a pizza a snack? If it is not, is half a slice a pizza a snack? It probably is because it contains about 150 calories. I found this chart of healthy snacks on the internet.

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Personally, I would never pick pickles as a snack. Eating pickles only, and by choice, is something you might do because your pregnant. I snack on almonds, yogurt, a piece of fruit, or crackers. Sometimes I will have a chicken salad sandwich as a snack, but half way through devouring it I wonder if it’s a meal more than a snack.

If you are trying to lose weight, in my opinion, your snacks should contain no more than 200 calories. Keep in mind that a snack still has calories. And in order to lose weight, you must create a calorie deficit through exercise and calorie reduction. Having snacks might create a challenge.

You should be able to go about 4 hours between meals. So if you eat something at 8 am, and you know you will eat again at 12 pm, tough it out. Make it to 12 pm without a snack. You won’t starve. Remember, you’re trying to lose weight. And don’t worry, that whole “If you cut your calories too much, or you go too long between meals, you will go into starvation mode” takes a whole lot of calorie cutting to accomplish.

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But if you do have lunch at 12 or 1 pm and you know you won’t eat again until 6 or 7 pm, you might want to have a snack handy so your blood sugar levels don’t plummet, and then you get home and eat like if you played in the Super-Bowl on Sunday, when you really just work behind a desk.

Please do not get offended, my hard-working desk workers. I’m just looking out for you. I believe people who sleep 7 to 8 hours a night, drive to work, sit behind a desk for another 8 hours, drive back home, and then deal with family commitments, children, and entertain themselves with television or some computer gadget until bedtime, five days a week, have a tough hill to climb when it comes to weight loss. That’s a whole lot of inactivity I just wrote about. And if you throw in some weekend social outings that revolve around food and drink, that’s a double whammy!

But this post is not about movement, it’s about food, and specifically snacks. If you can cut out 200 calories worth of snacks a day, that is 1000 calories a week (Monday-Friday). That is about 52,000 calories per year! 52k calories is about 14 pounds of fat, gained or lost, depending on if you increase or reduce your calories by 200 a day, five days a week. If you don’t get the point yet let me find a better way to describe how many calories 52,000 is. THAT’S A SHIT LOAD OF CALORIES! Excuse the curse, but I think it was necessary.

From now on, when you’re about to have a snack, ask yourself “Am I having this snack because I have to, or because it is available and convenient?” Also, try to figure out how many calories your snack has by reading the label, or going to one of those calorie counting websites, there’s a kazillion of them now, and inputting your snack of choice to find out its calorie content. By the way, kazillion is word, and so is bazillion. But Brazilian is a person from Brazil, and not a number. My favorite word that is a word, but is not a word, but kinda is, is Whatchamacallit. It has about 225 calories per bar. It’s almost low enough in calories to be a snack! You better not!

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Cutting back on snacks (excess calories) here and there, throughout the day, is the best and easiest thing you can do to aid weight loss. So next time you walk by that candy dish or candy machine at work, show some discipline and keep on walking. I know you have discipline. If you don’t believe me, write down all the things that you have accomplished in your life that required some form of discipline. You will be surprised at all the things you have accomplished that you forget to give yourself credit for.

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