To Lose Weight, Drink This

The best weight loss supplement is…drum roll por favor…WATER! Sorry, you were probably waiting, or even hoping, for me to tell you about the newest herb found in the mountains of Peru, or deep in the Amazon, that you take with your food and presto, weight gone. Nope, that doesn’t exist, no matter what health magazines and Dr. Oz tell you.

In reality, water is not a supplement, it’s a necessity. Last I checked, humans need water to survive. But in our current times, we can hydrate many ways. Soda, fruit juice, Gatorade, Vitamin water, flavored waters, Iced Tea, and other junk juices can also keep us hydrated. But the problems with junk juices is that many are loaded with calories.

Proposed California Recycling Law Would Increase Bottle DepositsWeight loss nation, I advise you to remember the following. Sugar beverage companies DO NOT care about your health. They do not care about your weight gain. They do care about their weight gain though, their pocket’s weight gain that is.

Stack Of Cash

The same goes for children trying to lose weight. They should drink water only. Don’t believe these money hungry beverage companies when they tell you that your children need electrolytes in their fluorescent blue drinks because they might dehydrate during physical activities. Please, sports drink companies trying to get our children’s attention, don’t make me laugh. It takes a whole lot of exercise to dehydrate, and for our muscles to cramp, because of dehydration. I am 41 years old and have been exercising, working out, and playing outdoors since I was…well…always, and I have only had muscle cramps, real muscle cramps, twice in my life. Once in the Marines, when we did a Battalion run, and that’s exactly what it sounds like it is, the whole Battalion goes for a long ass early morning run, and on an EMPTY STOMACH! And last summer I cramped up because after a night of “adult drinks”, I decided to get up with the sun the next day, on an empty stomach, and ride my bike for about 18 miles in the Florida, July heat. And as you can tell, I survived to tell about it. photo(30)

Above, that is my shadow being cast by the morning sun down by Clear Water beach in Florida. On that bridge is where my legs cramped. Ok, enough about me, and back to  you and drinking water.

When I say drink water only it means DRINK WATER ONLY. It means drink water with your lunch, dinner, snacks, when you’re thirsty, at the movies, at the State Fair, at the mall, in your house, in front of the TV, at work, and anywhere else you may find yourself with thirst.(Milk is allowed with breakfast because water and cereal sucks, and so does waffles and water).

Here is more on DRINK WATER ONLY. I have had friends, family, and friends of friends (the transitive property does not apply to friendship. A friend of a friend does not  necessarily equal your friend. They are just someone you met. Hence, they are only friends of friends) swear to me that all they drink is water, as they sip on a beer or some other adult beverage at a social function. QLC! QLC stands for Que La Chingada. It is like the Spanish version of WTF!

People! adult people! alcohol is also included in what not to drink if you are trying to lose weight. If you tell me you drink only water, that does not mean that Monday through Friday afternoon you drink only water, and then Friday afternoon through Sunday night you drink alcohol like a beer thirsty soldier who just got back from serving six months on foreign soil.


Why drink water only? Because you eliminate a bunch of excess calories from your diet, that’s why. And excess calories equals weight gain for most and many. Some math can be complicated, but calorie math is quite simple and not fuzzy. If you consume calories and you don’t burn them off, your body will store them for future use. The messed up part is that these excess calories are stored as fat, and not gold or diamonds. I know, it’s not fair, but who said life would be.

Oh, before I forget. Those 5 dollar Frappa-shit load of calories-chinos are one of the worst ways to start off your day if you are trying to lose weight. Sure, some of them only have about 160 calories, which still isn’t good because you would have to walk over a mile to burn that off. But some pack close to 500 calories, and that’s not including the innocent looking 300 calorie pastry you might also have with your Frappa-calorie-chino. Now your total is about 800 calories. To burn off 800 calories, you would have to walk about 7 miles. And it would take you over 2 hours, at a 3mph pace, to walk 7 miles. Long story short, just drink water.

BUT, if you MUST, here are some other options. I can’t believe I am going to write the following. You can have artificially sweetened juices or even sports drinks, but make sure they have 10 calories or less. Better yet, let’s make it zero calories. Let me make it clear, I prefer you drink water, but I understand some of you can’t bear the thought of drinking an odorless, healthy, calorie-less liquid, so I gave you options. (If you have digestive issues like burping last nights food this morning, constant burping, farts, stomach bloat, and other stomach discomfort, ditch the carbonation and chemicals in your favorite soda beverage and drink water. Your stomach will thank you for it).  Check out the following ingredients in Coke.


According to (yes, that is a real website), “short of drinking STRAIGHT VINEGAR, Cola is the most acidic thing you can buy to drink”. It goes on to talk about how ingredients in some sodas jack your stomach up. So if you are a soda drinker, diet or not, and you are constantly reaching for the Zantac, Prilosec, and other antacids, because you feel full, belch, and pass gas more than is normal, you might want to give up soda for a while. On a side note, I had no idea soda was so acidic until I read about it today. From this day on, no more soda with my tequila, just straight tequila…Yahooo…TGIF! (Tequila Gives Instant Friends)

Here's to Friday

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