Hello there turkey. If you are what you eat, then today you are probably a turkey. Did you shock yourself and your digestive system with the amounts of food you were able to devour yesterday? Did you eat so much that if a grizzly bear would have witnessed your caloric intake yesterday, he would have asked “What are you doing, fattening up for winter hibernation?” Don’t feel bad. I ate like an NFL lineman too, but I only weigh 183 pounds.
Let’s do some roll reversal, I mean, role reversal today. (I must still have food on my mind). I will point the finger at myself and share with you all that I ate yesterday during Thanksgiving dinner, but not before I tell you what I did that morning to work up an appetite. At Full Circle Fitness, here in Silver Spring, Maryland, the owners of the training facility and myself hosted a FREE boot-camp for clients and friends. It was an outdoor 9am boot-camp, and it was cold as hell. Actually hell isn’t cold, so it was cold as standing naked on the highest peak on planet earth. That’s too much. It wasn’t that cold either, but it was cold enough that I remember it being cold.
The trainers each had a workout station of their own. Each station lasted about 10 minutes and we had the freedom to pick whatever exercises we wanted to have the participants do. Because I knew that many, if not all, of the boot-campers would be eating later that evening like if they were never going to eat again, I decided I would have them do sprints. Most people hate sprints. Most people hate sprints for the same reason they avoid squats and dead-lifts, because they are tough to do. And what is worst than plain old sprints? Sprints up a hill, in the cold, with a prior Marine telling you to “Hurry up and earn your Thanksgiving meal!!”
The hill I had everyone run is just off to the side of the gym. It’s about 80 yards from top to bottom, but I only had them sprint half the hill at first. We walked to the bottom of the hill, sprinted half way up, or about 40 yards, walked back down, did some jump squats, ran half way up again, walked back down, and did some jump squats again. We did that over and over until time was up, and then I had them run the whole hill, all the way to the top. As they ran their last hill, I ran behind them screaming “Earn your carbs, earn your food, and earn your dessert!!”, like a Marine Corps drill instructor. On a side note, if you’re a youngster out there that happens to be reading my blog, and you don’t like to be told what to do, you’re allergic to exercise, firing weapons for real hurts your eardrums, and you’re not willing to lose a limb or your life for a cause greater than you, the United States Marines is not for you.
Back to yesterday’s boot-camp. All the participants finished all the stations without a problem. And to work up an appetite, I ran up and down the hills with the participants too. Now back to the Marines. One thing I did like about the Marines is that whatever a senior Marine or drill instructor ordered you to do, chances are they had done it before, or/and they would be right there doing it with you. Leadership by example works and motivates. Who the hell would take my advice if I was overweight, drank soda, ate pizza, and never exercised? No one, that’s who. But yesterday, I must confess I was gluttonous.
After I got home from our boot-camp, I had a few scrambled eggs and some oatmeal. That was about 11am or so. I decided I would wait until 6pm to eat. That’s when Thanksgiving dinner would be served. When 6pm arrived, I was hungry as a man who had hosted a boot-camp, ran with the participants, and hadn’t eaten in almost 7 hours.
The food was served. I said grace and proceeded to get my grub on. My plate had turkey, gravy, string beans, stuffing, 3 rolls, cranberry sauce, and sweet potatoes. I ate all of it! Have you ever ate so fast you don’t remember what you ate, or how much you ate? Well that’s what I did. I washed it all down with water and then I sat and stared at my plate for about seven seconds. And a thought that can only be birthed by gluttony was in my cabeza. “I’m still hungry as hell!” I surrendered to hunger, and served myself another plate similar in content and quantity to the first. The first plate was health and nutrition, but the second plate was straight up eating just to eat. After finishing the second plate, I felt like a sloth and moved from the table to the couch as slow as a sloth too. Sloths are so slow that if they raced a still shot of themselves, they would lose every time.
My stomach rumbled and grumbled as I became one with the couch and watched some football. And then, the unthinkable and incomprehensible occurred. Science can’t even explained what happened. I was hungry again! But I didn’t want more turkey, oh no, why consume more protein? I didn’t want string beans either, yuck! I wanted sugar! That’s right! I wanted some type of pie or something, and there it was. Like a dehydrated man feels after walking for days in the desert when he stumbles across some spring water, (I know, their aren’t springs in the desert, but it makes the story sound better. You didn’t think everything in Avatar was real either, did you? Some stories need bull shit.) that’s how I felt like when my sister-in-law pointed me in the direction of pumpkin pie. Wait, it gets better. There was vanilla ice cream too. YAHOO!!!! My insulin levels rose just by looking at both.
I served myself a slice of sugar, I mean pie, and some more sugar, I mean ice cream. And then, I did it again. I ate so fast I didn’t remember what I had just ate, or how much. So as a reminder, I served myself a second serving of pie and ice cream. It was great! Who here doesn’t like sugar on top of sugar? Crickets, crickets…..I thought so.
So there it is, confessions of a health nut. Once in a while, doesn’t it feel good to hear that others don’t always practice what they preach? It would be like walking into see your shrink and he or she saying “Have a seat, and please get comfortable. Today I will confess to you all my effed up thoughts, emotions, and actions to show you that I am human too”. I haven’t met an infallible person yet. Let me know if you come across one. In the mean time, have some left overs and double up on the dessert. You deserve it, but next week you better exercise your nalgas off.