Attention All Men! Ladies, You Can Read Too.

I promise that my next post will be about weight loss, exercise, or food. But today, I must share something with you, especially the men, that made me say WTF when I first learned about it about a week ago. WTF does not stand for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Gentlemen, I present to you Booty Pop. These are women’s stuffed panties that make their badunkadunks go POP! Or how Snoop would say “Pizzop”.

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WTF!

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Because I always kid people, I thought my wife, my friend, and his wife were kidding me over dinner, as they enriched my life with their knowledge of BOOTY POP. I thought they were all in on the same joke, and I was the mark. But a smart phone quickly confirmed that Booty Pop is very much true. Hell, just a few months ago I learned about Spanks, and now this. What’s next, bras that make a woman’s boobs look bigger than they really are? Well, they have those too. And no technology is too advanced for the “Patented Ventilated Bra Pad”.

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Ok, so now that the booty is popping, the boobs are bigger, but not really, and as my wife says “the jiggles are kept from jiggling” with Spanks, what’s next, fake eyelashes to make a woman’s stare more seductive? Damn! They got those too.

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Don’t tell me they have products to make women’s hair longer. Yep, they got that too.

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Gentlemen, this is getting muy loco! What’s next, a product that alters a woman’s height and posture causing her boobs and booty to pop even more? Oh yeah, they got that too. High heels. (High heels cause hyper-extension of the spine and flexion of the knees, among other posture effects, causing the booty to protrude).

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Damn whats next, a product to change the color of a woman’s eyes? Yep, they got that too. And apparently, in many colors.

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Now don’t tell me they have a product to make a woman’s skin look healthy with a perfect tan? Of course they have that.

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Man, I hope the following scenario doesn’t happen to a young man: A young twenty-something year old male goes to a friend’s wedding in the Spring. The weather is perfect. He is there for two reasons, to support his friend, and to pick up on a single twenty-something year old hot woman. The drinks start flowing and he spots her, and her him. Because they both have beer and liquor goggles on, they both like what they see. The attraction between these two young adults is all physical, as most attraction between drunk people is. Because he’s been drinking, his usual shyness is long gone, and now he’s funny and charming. The young woman’s attraction for him grows and grows. It’s getting late, and everyone at the wedding reception is either drunk or tired, or both. His liquid courage allows him to ask her to go on a moonlit walk down by the private lake. They will be the only two souls there.

Moonlit_lake_by_MenschMachinen

At the edge of the water, they walk and hold hands under a full moon. The scenery and feeling are perfect, like in the movies. He turns to her and kisses her. He tastes rum punch and gum, and she tastes whiskey. They unwillingly detach from their kiss. They both need oxygen. She gazes into his inebriated eyes, and him into hers, which were brown that morning, but currently light blue. Because she’s drunk, and the setting is romantically perfect, and some women are suckers for that type of thing, she almost says “I think I love you”, but instead she says “Let’s go skinny dipping”. He says “hell yes!”. Clothing goes flying in all directions and they jump in the lake. No monkey business takes place, (get your head out of the gutter), but they do tongue wrestle a few times. They decide it’s getting chilly, and proceed to exit the lake and walk towards their clothes. Because he’s a man, drunk, curious, and a bit horny, he lets her get out of the water first so he could check her out under the moonlight, and he can’t believe his eyes when he sees her in her birthday suit. SURPRISE!

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“There must be piranhas or alligators in the lake!” he thinks because her butt is gone, her boobs are too, she’s missing a few finger nails, one eyelash is missing and the other one is half hanging on, chunks of her hair are floating in the water, it looks like her skin is melting because the spray tan effects are wearing off, and she’s about 4 inches shorter now. No longer is her booty poppin. Because his mom raised him right, and he has manners even when tipsy, he doesn’t say anything and helps her get dressed. The End.

Ok fellas, I have warned you about the deception that is out there. But don’t blame the ladies, blame society which puts out images of perceived perfection of celebrity women, and pressures the everyday, hard-working woman to emulate them. Just look at Eva Langoria below.

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Or Kim “booty poppin” Kardashian.

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High heels also make her booty pop, more than it would naturally. And no one can convince me her tan is real.

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Look how far in front of her butt and waist her head is. That isn’t correct posture. Image A is proper posture. Image C shows the posture effects of high heels. Booty and boobs get to poppin.

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If women wear high heels long enough, their feet might evolve to look like this.

high-heeled-feet-2

Ok men, the women have spoken and they have said the following; “We, the independent ladies of the 21st century will stop accessorizing, with much effort, under one condition. All men must stop using their little blue and yellow performance pills and show us what they really are about, without pharmaceuticals.” Damn ladies! You drive a hard bargain.

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