Funny Fitness

Happy Monday and July 1st to everyone. For many of you, this is a short week because of 4th of July, so I hope you have a big cheesy smile on your face. Is it just me, or doesn’t this year seem like it is flying by? I swear it feels like we went from the Christmas Holidays, to Spring, and then BAM!!!, summer is here. Someone please slow down the sand grains in the hour-glass, because I like my life and I don’t want it to zoom by.

Sands of Time

Speaking of summer being here, how about those temperatures out west? Holy hot tamale Batman, muy caliente. In Las Vegas it got up to 115 degrees yesterday! It’s so hot in Vegas that the low was 90 last night. That’s nothing though, because in Death Valley the low was 97 last night. Oh what the hell, let’s just call the low an even 100 degrees. Yes, you read that right, the low was 100.  If the low was 100, just guess what the high was yesterday in Death Valley, California? Good guess, but you guessed wrong. The high was 127 “burn my ass up” degrees! It has been reported on twitter, and in case you didn’t know everything on twitter is true, that people in hell reading “The Daily Devil Press”, while eating Habanero peppers whole, have been saying “God Damn it’s hot in Death Valley”. By the way, if you’re in hell you can say “God Damn”. What do you have to lose?

How hot is it in Death Valley? It is so hot that people are sitting in saunas and taking Bikram yoga just to cool off.

heat wave

As your health and exercise consultant, I am constantly telling you to exercise outside because the fresh air, movement, and sun is good for your health. Well, I have a new rule for you. Unless you are a Mohave desert lizard, training for a marathon in hell, or planning to move to the sun when you retire, do not exercise outdoors if it’s over 90 degrees. My personal “exercise outside” heat limit is 100 degrees, because I am extreme like that. And I am not a Mohave desert  lizard, although I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.

I went to an Oriole’s game last week on one of those days when it was in the 90’s during the day here in Silver Spring, Maryland. I think a lady beat me to the punch about not exercising when it is hot outside.

It was an evening game, so the temperature had cooled to the 70’s. My wife and I got some seats out in left field right next to the Oriole’s bullpen. For those of you who don’t know what a bullpen is, it is a pen where they keep a bunch of live bulls during the game. When fans get drunk and belligerent, because alcohol gives them courage and imaginary muscles, they get arrested and then forced to ride a live wild bull in front of all the fans. If they can’t stay on the bull for more than 8 seconds, like a real rodeo cowboy, they go to jail until they sober up. I am just kidding of course. A bullpen is where pitchers warm up before they come in to pitch during a game. I have no idea why they really call it a “bullpen”. Someone please enlighten me. The Oriole’s bullpen is pictured below. And as you can see, there are no bulls in the vicinity. The stadium does sell Angus burgers though.

orioles bullpen

While we were sitting watching the game, a lady no more than 10 feet away to our left, in the same row as us, was doing some exercise movements. I couldn’t quite figure out what she was doing. My wife figured our why this lady was standing and exercising throughout the whole game. My wife is so smart. I busted out my i-phone and got some film of the exercising lady for you to analyze.

If any pitcher in the bullpen stood up to warm up, she stood up along with him and mimicked his movements as best as she could, all game l-o-o-o-o-o-n-n-g-g-g-g-g.

She was a hardcore fan too. I think “fanatic” is the term. The Oriole team colors are orange and black. Her toenails were orange. Her pants were orange. Her fingernails were orange. Even her phone cover was black and orange. Yes, I am observant. Observant is just a nicer way of saying nosy. Just like “I am running some errands” is code for “mind your own business”, when you ask someone what they are up to and they give you the “errands” response. They obviously don’t want to tell you what they are doing because if they did, they would. Guess what I am doing later today with my wife? We are running some errands. haha


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