Hello ladies. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my blog. From now on I will try to focus on women’s health on Wednesdays.
I first want to apologize on behalf of all of society for constantly bombarding your brain, computer screen, ego, and self-esteem with images of beautiful women.
I get it Beyonce, and so does every other woman. You’re beautiful, talented, and wealthy. Advertisers, thanks for the one-thousandth reminder.
That’s not cool for you ladies, right? The constant and in your face reminders of perfect bodies with unblemished faces to match. I know, there’s a whole hella of a lot of photo-shop going on, but still. Sometimes when I go grocery shopping, I walk down the aisle with the magazines and stuff. I can’t help but notice the abundance of magazine covers reminding us of how beautiful this star and that star is, and many of those celebrities are women. Don’t idolize them, idolize yourself. It’s healthier for you. Trust me, you are beautiful too.
So, you want to lose some weight. I will help you in that department because it is what I am good at, and it is a bit of a duty for me. I will give you some rules, pieces of advice, or techniques you can try to implement in your weight loss plan. Remember, you are someones Beyonce just like I am my wife’s Jay-Z, minus the millions of record sales, owning sports franchises, ice (that’s diamonds), and private jet flights. So what, I bet you Sean Carter can’t speak Espanol like I can. I know him by Sean by the way. We go way back. And I know he doesn’t have mi cuerpo either. Me and Jay, I know him like that too, still get along. No envy on either side, just admiration from afar.
Now let’s get going with some rules and advice.
1. Write down your weight-loss goals. Make it clear how much you want to weigh. The human body works better when it knows what it wants.
2. Do not eat like a man. So what does that mean? It means that if you are a woman, and you said to me “Hey Healthy Homeboy, let’s go to dinner and discuss a plan for me to help me lose weight”, and I obliged. Once we get to the eating establishment and we both order our food, when the food arrives, your plate should not look like mine in quantity. I am 5’11’ and weight about 185 pounds. If you are shorter than me, you should probably weigh less than I do. In order to weigh less than me, you should eat less than I do, all of the time.
3. The following information piggy backs of the one you just read. A 20, 30, 40, 50, and 100 pound dog needs a certain amount of calories/energy to maintain its weight. If it goes over that amount, it will gain weight and not move efficiently. You, my dear lady friend, are the same. No, you are not a dog or pee in the woods. Well, I hope you don’t pee in the woods, unless your drunk or something. Back to my point though. Like a dog and other animals, you are a creature of a certain height and body structure, not big-boned, that has an optimal weight for your body to function most efficiently. Find and decide what that weight is, and eat and move accordingly.
All the dogs above have to eat for their predetermined size, we should too.
4. If you are trying to lose weight for health reasons, that is great! But I warn you, it will turn to vanity and you will start buying clothes to show off your slimmer figure. Your self-esteem will shoot to the moon, better yet to the sun, because that’s farther away than la luna. And a woman with high self-esteem can accomplish anything. They are pleasant to be around too.
Above, self-esteem and confidence to the max. You are a lady tiger, ARRHHH!
5. You have to move. You must do cardiovascular work 2 to 3 times per week for a minimum of a half hour at a time. Your body and heart will thank you for it. Walking leisurely is not cardio. Walking does burn calories, but for most people, it will not elevate their heart rate enough to get the true benefits of cardio training. Walking in the mall, an amusement park, in a museum, is just life and not cardio.
Walking fast and up a hill is cardio. Swimming, biking, playing tennis, or an aerobics class is cardio. Zumba is cardio. I don’t know if the Wobble is cardio though. Break-dancing is cardio too, but it’s hard. Yes, I was one of those kids that used to spin on my back on a piece of cardboard with a boombox blasting next to me in the early 80’s. Why didn’t my parents just put me in lacrosse or something to burn off all my excess energy?
6. You must lift weights. Don’t worry ladies, you don’t have enough testosterone to get buff. Here are some benefits to muscle-building. Lifting weights increases your metabolism, yay! Lifting weights strengthens muscles, ligaments, and tendons, keeping your chance of injury in case of a God forbidden fall to a minimum. Lifting weights strengthens and increases bone density, keeping osteoporosis in check.
So there you have 6 pieces of advice that will go a long way in helping you lose weight and keeping it off. My favorite “Healthy Homeboy” rule for women is: Don’t eat like a man.
Please share this with every woman you know who is trying to lose weight.