There’s a picturesque park nearby that I like to use for my running, especially when it’s warm outside like it is today. The park has a rather large pond that I run around for cardio and zen like enchantment. During the Spring, like now, there are geese, ducks, and their offspring are everywhere.


I am not sure what geese, ducks, and their offspring eat, but whatever it is, it sure does make them poop mucho. Their turds aren’t big, but they are big enough to step on if you are not on turd patrol. On my first lap around the park, splat!, I stepped on a geese or duck turd. And then on my second lap, again, I stepped on a geese or duck turd. I was like “I could swear this already happened”. It was deja poo.

geese poop

Now my laps around the pond were more like an obstacle course, because I continued my cardio training while dodging small green turds, like mini land mines or something. I ran and ran, and then a big gust of wind came through and picked up pollen and sprinkled it in my nostrils. I sneezed once, and then sneezed again, exactly like the first time. It was deja aaachoooo! The pond and its nature decorations weren’t being too kind to my nostrils and shoes, so I decided do continue my running in the woods.


Now with pollen in my nose and poop on my shoes, I ran into the woods. I saw a cow. I was like “I didn’t know cows ran wild in the woods”. And then I saw a cow that looked exactly like the cow I had just seen. It was deja-moo. Thank God I didn’t step on cow poo because you don’t step on cow poo, your foot sinks in cow poo.

Cow in woods1

I continued running in the woods. I thought about the cow I had just seen. It was a good-looking cow, long eyelashes and everything. It was such a good-looking cow that I decided not to eat a hamburger the rest of that day.


Then some ominous clouds accumulated and covered the sun that I appreciate dearly. Gloomy woods I was now running through. I got a bit scared because I felt someone was watching me, you know that feeling. And sure enough, I was right. There was a zombie staring at me. She had blood all over her, and her hands were in the outstretched classic zombie position. I ran like hell, I mean heaven.


I was running as fast as my 41-year-old legs could go into flexion and extension. I ran for about 5 miles, but like a dummy, I ran deeper into the woods instead of out of the woods. I saw another zombie that looked exactly like the first one. She scared the poo out of me like the first one did. It was deja BOO!

My Marine Zombie Survival Tactics kicked in and I ran like hell, I mean heaven, out of the woods and towards my house. On my way home, I took a short cut through a gang infested neighborhood where some Crips live. I saw one crip, and then another. They looked exactly the same. And you guessed it, it was deja blue. (In the gang culture, crips wear blue, bloods wear red).

tweedy crip

When I finally got home and my heart stopped racing, I plopped my body down on the couch. I dozed off and had a nightmare of all the events I had just described. In my nightmare, I also got away just like I had in real life. It was deja whew!, that was close.





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