Deja-What?

There’s a picturesque park nearby that I like to use for my running, especially when it’s warm outside like it is today. The park has a rather large pond that I run around for cardio and zen like enchantment. During the Spring, like now, there are geese, ducks, and their offspring are everywhere.

geese

I am not sure what geese, ducks, and their offspring eat, but whatever it is, it sure does make them poop mucho. Their turds aren’t big, but they are big enough to step on if you are not on turd patrol. On my first lap around the park, splat!, I stepped on a geese or duck turd. And then on my second lap, again, I stepped on a geese or duck turd. I was like “I could swear this already happened”. It was deja poo.

geese poop

Now my laps around the pond were more like an obstacle course, because I continued my cardio training while dodging small green turds, like mini land mines or something. I ran and ran, and then a big gust of wind came through and picked up pollen and sprinkled it in my nostrils. I sneezed once, and then sneezed again, exactly like the first time. It was deja aaachoooo! The pond and its nature decorations weren’t being too kind to my nostrils and shoes, so I decided do continue my running in the woods.

woods

Now with pollen in my nose and poop on my shoes, I ran into the woods. I saw a cow. I was like “I didn’t know cows ran wild in the woods”. And then I saw a cow that looked exactly like the cow I had just seen. It was deja-moo. Thank God I didn’t step on cow poo because you don’t step on cow poo, your foot sinks in cow poo.

Cow in woods1

I continued running in the woods. I thought about the cow I had just seen. It was a good-looking cow, long eyelashes and everything. It was such a good-looking cow that I decided not to eat a hamburger the rest of that day.

cowburger

Then some ominous clouds accumulated and covered the sun that I appreciate dearly. Gloomy woods I was now running through. I got a bit scared because I felt someone was watching me, you know that feeling. And sure enough, I was right. There was a zombie staring at me. She had blood all over her, and her hands were in the outstretched classic zombie position. I ran like hell, I mean heaven.

Zombie-Resurrection-Zombie-in-Woods

I was running as fast as my 41-year-old legs could go into flexion and extension. I ran for about 5 miles, but like a dummy, I ran deeper into the woods instead of out of the woods. I saw another zombie that looked exactly like the first one. She scared the poo out of me like the first one did. It was deja BOO!

My Marine Zombie Survival Tactics kicked in and I ran like hell, I mean heaven, out of the woods and towards my house. On my way home, I took a short cut through a gang infested neighborhood where some Crips live. I saw one crip, and then another. They looked exactly the same. And you guessed it, it was deja blue. (In the gang culture, crips wear blue, bloods wear red).

tweedy crip

When I finally got home and my heart stopped racing, I plopped my body down on the couch. I dozed off and had a nightmare of all the events I had just described. In my nightmare, I also got away just like I had in real life. It was deja whew!, that was close.

whew

 

 

 

Weight Loss Help

I used to call myself a Personal Trainer, but I am in the process of changing that title to “Weight Loss Coach” because for me, helping people lose weight is extremely gratifying. (When I say weight loss, I am talking about people who need to lose a minimum of 40 pounds.)

There are two types of weight loss clients that I enjoy helping. The first one is the client who has zero idea about how to lose weight, but they really want to lose weight. They have the all important and ever so elusive self-motivation. They just need knowledge. The second one is the client who has tried several weight loss diets and exercise routines with some success, but not consistent enough success. Most new clients need knowledge, and some new clients need the knowledge they already have simplified. I will give you a glimpse into some of my weight loss techniques.

The most important activity a person can do, actually should do, before they embark on a weight loss journey is to write down “why they want to lose weight?” This a an extremely important list that should include every possible reason for weight loss that matters to that person. No one has to read this list but the author. These weight loss lists are very personal to most people, and in many cases should be kept private, but read often by the author for inspiration and motivation. So if you are trying to lose 40 pounds or more, go make your list! I’m serious, go make it!

list

Once you have made your list, it’s time to zone in on the strong reasons for weight loss. Some examples of strong weight loss reasons are, because your doctor said so, because you want to be a healthy parent or grandparent now and for years to come, because you want to be healthy as you age with your significant other, or because you just know it is the best thing for you.

An example of a weak weight loss reason is losing weight because a family  or school reunion is coming up. Why is this reason weak? Because it is based on vanity through others eyes, instead of your own. We are all vain at some level, but you should care more about how you view yourself in the mirror, than how others view you. Most people who lose weight for a wedding, reunion, or other special day may end up gaining it back because beneath the surface they are losing weight for the reaction of others and not their own. Remember, you are the one that is with you all the time. You see yourself everyday. You sleep, eat, shower, and everything else with yourself. Your reasons for weight loss should be based in how you feel and view yourself. Forget what everyone else thinks. What you think about you is what matters, and the more your weight loss reasons are rooted in you instead of others, the higher your chances for success. Go ask Dr. Phil, he’ll even tell you I am correctomundo.

dr phil

Now that you have your weight loss list, I will give you some basic rules:

1. Get it in your head that you must move at least 5 hours per week. There is no way around this rule. You must move. Humans are designed to move. That is why we have muscles all over the place, and over half of our muscle mass is from the waist on down. We are designed to walk, jog, run, sprint, throw things, catch things, swim, jump, push things, pull things, carry things, and any other movement pattern you can think of.

2. You must eat less. I don’t care if you are doing the paleo diet, the Mediterranean diet, the Zone diet, or whatever diet you can think of, you must eat less to lose weight. On a side note, the 1,000 year diet also works well. If it wasn’t here 1,000 years ago, you probably shouldn’t eat it. For those of you who are curious, pizza, burgers, and ice-cream were not here 1,000 years ago. And soda was absent too.

ice cream

pizza guy

soda

All of the above, no es bueno para tu salud.

3. If you drink alcohol more than 3 times per week, and every time you drink you have a minimum of 2 drinks, it will be tough to lose weight. Even the “healthy” glass of red wine contains calories at a tune of 25 cals per ounce, and they add up quick. Here’s the math. 6 to 8 drinks per week. I will be polite and say 100 calories per drink, but no one drinks 4 oz glasses of wine. That is 800 calories per week, minimum. 800 calories multiplied by 52 weeks in a year is 41,600 calories. There are about 3,500 calories in 1 pound of fat. Divide the 41,600 calories of alcohol by 3,500 and you get 11.88 pounds gained or not lost because of el vino. Because of the holidays, Thanksgiving through New Years, and the holiday weekends that are sprinkled throughout the year, which is when people really drink, I will round up the pounds to 12. And that my friends is how easily 6 to 8 glasses of wine per week, or any other alcoholic beverage of your choice, sabotages even the best of weight loss efforts.

wine

4. If your budget allows, you should hire a nutritionist who is not overweight to teach you about proper portion sizes and calories. Is it just me, or shouldn’t personal trainers and nutritionists who are trying to help you lose weight not be overweight themselves. Someone has to set the example, right? I can put you in contact with a nutritionist who you might have to skype, face time, or whatever it’s now called with. She is very knowledgeable and walks the walk. She even used to do Cross-Fit before her daughter was born. She is a great cook and has tasty recipes.

5. Learn what your goal weight is and how many calories you should be consuming per day to attain that goal. I was just curious, so I went the calorie counter section of cancer.org to see what calorie number it recommends for me. I input my weight of 182 pounds and selected sedentary as my activity level, and it said I should consume about 2500 calories per day. Then I put my real activity level which is “Heavy Activity” in their available choices and my calorie allotment jumped up to 4159 a day. Yahoo!!! I am going to have a double beacon, avocado, with all the cheeses possible burger, just kidding. But I was very surprised at how many more calories an active person can eat a day then a sedentary one.

6. Eliminate sugar drinks and replace them with water.

no soda drink water

7. Learn to be hungry. You will be fine.

8. Commit to keeping a food journal.

You should also be honest with yourself and describe in detail, there’s that damn writing again, what you are willing to do to lose weight. Write it all down. This will give you an idea of how committed you are to your health. If your commitment is a 10, your results will be about a 10. If your commitment is a 5, your results will be a 5.

I have faith in you and I am available for hire.

Exercise and Fitness Mythbuster Alert!

Hello everyone. Today, let’s do some myth busting in regards to weight loss and fitness.

Myth #1: Women shouldn’t lift weights because they will get bulky or musclebound. This is false.

deadlift_girl_clean

The truth is that women should lift weights because it boosts metabolism which will aid fat loss, obviously strengthens muscles, burns calories, strengthens bones by increasing their density, helps depression, helps coordination, and helps adds muscle tone.

Ladies, do you have any idea how hard it is to gain muscle by weight lifting? It is very, very difficult. If becoming musclebound was just as simple as going to the gym and pumping some iron, there would be buff men everywhere. Look around ladies, buff men that look like real life action figures is not the norm, at least not where I live.

The main reason that men are physically stronger than women is testosterone. Testosterone is a hormone that has many functions. One of those functions is building muscle, and that is why every year male professional athletes get busted for illegal testosterone use. The average man naturally has 10 to 20 times the testosterone levels of the average woman. Ladies, if you start taking testosterone to equal or exceed the testosterone levels found naturally in men, aka anabolic steroids, and lifting heavy weights and eating like a professional wrestler, you might look like this:

buff female

Or this…

buff woman

I do not have any proof that the ladies above took any testosterone, but it’s even difficult for a man to be as muscular and vascular as these ladies are.

Ladies, do not be afraid to lift weights. I promise you, you will not get buff.

we_can_do_it

Myth #2: If you stop lifting weights, the muscle you gained will turn into fat. This is a popular myth spread by those gym goers who stay in the cardio section and are allergic to weights. It is 100% false.

Just like gold cannot turn into silver, and steel can’t turn into cotton, muscle absolutely cannot turn into fat. And for those men out there who like to “bulk up” and gain fat because they swear they are going to turn the fat into muscle by summer time, that is impossible too.

Muscles on the human body are a group of tissues that require energy in the form of glucose to work, for the most part, and protein to rebuild. Muscles are very active on the human body, even when you are not moving.

muscle chart

Fat is stored energy on the human body that is ready to be used by the body. Fat is very inactive on the human body.

Myth #3: Sit-ups, crunches, and all other types of abdominal exercises will trim the waistline. This is false.

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This does not mean that abdominal exercises won’t make your core stronger, if done correctly, they will. But the main way to trim your waistline is by losing fat, which equals losing weight.

304-extreme-weight-loss-before-after-women

The young lady above lost mucho weight, and as a result her waist shrank a great deal.

The inverse is also true. If a man has six-pack abs and he starts drinking beer and eating fast food almost every night, he will gain weight. The weight will be gained in the form of fat and increase his waistline size in the process, even if he does tons of ab exercises.

There you have it. Three myths blown up by Healthy Homeboy.

nuclear-explosion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Lose Weight, Fast!

Fast: acting, moving, or capable of acting or moving swiftly.

speedy_gonzales - fastest quotes

 

 

 

 

 

Speedy Gonzalez is very fast.

road runner

The Road Runner is very fast.

Cheetah

A cheetah is awesome fast. It can run next to your car on the highway, when you are driving at about 70 mph. If a cheetah raced Usain Bolt, the fastest man in the world, in the 100 meter dash, it would be waiting at the finish line for about 4 seconds before Usain got there, and Usain runs 100 meters in about 9.6 seconds! You do the math.

But when I say “How to lose weight, fast”, I am talking about the other definition of fast. Fast: Abstain from some or all types of food or drink. (Don’t worry, you won’t die)

No, this is not a starving diet, or an “eat like a rabbit” diet. I am talking about learning to not eat at certain times of day or night.

Remember, if you are trying to lose weight, it takes sacrifice. You must make choices that are contrary to what your body and mind want to do. For the most part, your body is very content sitting around in an inactive state. Sitting on our nalgas (butt cheeks) for hours a day, is probably not the best thing for us physically, but the human body will happily oblige. Ready my M.Y.A. post for attacking the inactive body. Today I am focusing on the food consumption facet, or lack thereof, regarding weight loss.

I have news for you. HUMANS LOVE TO EAT. HUMANS ALWAYS WANT TO EAT. HUMANS THINK ABOUT FOOD CONSTANTLY BECAUSE WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE. If this was not true, weight loss wouldn’t be such a challenge. Hunger is so powerful that I bet you can eat something right now.

Here is some more tough news. There is no magic pill that will help you lose weight, and KEEP IT OFF. I don’t care what Dr. Oz says. Ultimately, it is our food choices and their quantities that dictate our weight in the long run.

weight loss pills

If you are trying to lose weight, like 50 pounds or more, you must learn to fast between meals and at night. Remember, this advice is for people trying to lose weight and are serious about it. If you have blood sugar issues, diabetic or pre-diabetic symptoms, talk to your doctor before taking my advice. If your doctor is overweight, tell him or her about my blog and ideas so they too can set an example.

Here is how the fast works. If you get up and have breakfast, hopefully a healthy breakfast, that you cook at home and does not conclude with you saying “thank you” to an I-Hop or Denny’s waitress, you should wait about 4 to 5 hours until your next meal. For most people, this is called lunch.

healthy breakfast

There is no need for you to have a snack between breakfast and lunch. You are trying to lose weight remember. You don’t need those extras calories. “But I get so hungry before lunch” I often hear from friends and clients. You should get hungry before lunch, that’s why you’re going to have lunch, so you can satisfy that hunger. If you are trying to lose weight, you must learn to be hungry for chosen and controlled periods of time. You must also learn that you don’t have to satisfy your slightest feeling of hunger every time the hunger bell rings.

I know that allowing yourself to be hungry is a tough concept to understand and even more difficult to implement. But remember, you are only allowing yourself to go hungry for a few hours between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, and dinner to breakfast. The fast between dinner and breakfast is tough, but you will sleep during most of it. You will probably dream about food.

On a side note, fast food establishments and their convenient drive thru’s capitalize on the human need of constant food. They understand very well that if a person is hungry, it is very difficult for them to drive by many fast food establishments and make it home to eat. It is easier to stop and eat, but it is healthier to not stop and eat at home.

burger fries shake

If you are trying to lose weight, and are serious about it, your emotion for your weight loss and how you want to look and feel should be the driving force behind you not eating often and plenty. If fast food is one of your weaknesses, I hope the following helps. Fast food establishments do not care about your health. They care about your money; don’t let them win. Now back to fasting.

The most difficult fast I recommend is the following one. After dinner, do not eat anything else, but you can drink water. In many parts of the world this is called life. I have heard it all when it comes to this advice. “Hector, I feel like am starving after dinner. I get so hungry”, or my favorite, “I get so ravenous”. I had to look ravenous up in the dictionary when I first heard that word because I am not college edgumicated. Don’t worry, technically you’re not starving. And although you may feel ravenous, you are just hungry.

Humans have been having dinner and not eating anything until the next morning for eons, and they did just fine. In the weight loss battle, you can’t have dinner, and then have another meal later. In some countries that is called “two dinners”. Please don’t get offended or think “What an ass Healthy Homeboy is”. Well, I am an ass sometimes. But today, I  am a helpful ass that is trying to help you lose weight.

I have now given you a powerful tool in your weight loss journey, fasting between meals. Have breakfast, and then eat nothing until lunch. Have lunch and have nothing until dinner. Enjoy your dinner, and then have nothing until the next morning. Combine this with moving a few hours per week and drinking water instead of sugar drinks, and the weight will come off gradually. Please be patient.

 

 

 

 

Cancun Trip, Part 1

Hello everyone. Did you miss me? I missed you guys. I was in Cancun for a about 5 days with family and friends. It was awesome. The weather and scenery was perfect. I will share some pictures with you with captions under them. I will share the pictures in 2 separate posts because I went crazy with the picture taking, damn tourists.

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Just arrived in Cancun, and we are all smiles.

On our way to hotel

On our way to hotel.

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Healthy Homeboy does not diet on vacation. Ready to relax and feel good.

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I do everything to extremes, including smiling.

Shalisa and Ruth.

The ladies smiling before dinner at the hotel.

Whatever that is, it looks awesome.

The chef at work.

Group picture with singers in background.

Group picture of everyone on our trip, except the guys with instruments, they are from Mexico.

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One shot of many more to come on trip.

View from our room

View from our room.

Having breakfast out in town.

Breakfast in town. A real Mexican breakfast. Esto no es Taco Bell.

Mario's hat takes the cake, I mean, the tequila.

Shopping for Agave juice with my brother-in-law.

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Iguanas are everywhere in Cancun. This one was about 2 feet long.

Can you spot the iguana?

Iguanas are great camouflage artists. Can you spot the iguana?

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Another iguana hiding out in the open.

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This was the biggest iguana I saw while on one of my morning walks. It was about 3 to 4 feet long.

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A handsome sleeper, I am not.

Mother and daughter.

My sister and her beautiful daughter. Ok sister, you’re beautiful too.

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Volleyball time.

Mexican Bingo night, aka, Loteria. Nice hat Oscar.

My BFF of almost 29 years and my boo(wife) chatting it up over a game of loteria (Mexican bingo, sort of).

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Hanging out in town.

They even have medicine for i-pods in Mexico.

In Mexico, even i-pod ailments can be cured.

Breakfast at Mercado 28, where the locals eat.

Group picture.

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I begged and begged this indigenous street vendor to let me take a picture with her. At first she resisted, but eventually she found my charm irresistible. And the 5 dollars I gave her also helped.

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I usually don’t smoke, but when I do, I prefer Cuban cigars. Stay healthy my friends.

An Early Mother’s Day Gift

Hello ladies. I am posting this Mother’s Day message early because I know that this Sunday many of you will be busy going to brunch or dinner, or maybe both. With your busy Sunday, reading my blog will be the last thing on your mind. I don’t take offense. Family first, right?

I am also posting this early because I will be out of the country on vacay this weekend.  Hurray for me! My friends with multiple international stamps in their passports tell me that WEE-FEE, I mean Wi-Fi, reliability cannot always be trusted on foreign soil, and I really want as many mothers to read my post as possible. So read it, por favor, and pass it on. Thanks….

smiley face and thumbs up

“‘Thank You.” Those words do not come out of my mouth often enough, and when they do, sometimes they are just a formality. “Be polite, and always say thank you” mothers often advise.

I want all mothers out there to know that when I say “thank you” today, in this post, I mean it. Your nurture deserves more than a thank you, but because I am not “Oprah rich”, I cannot give you all a car, an i-pad, a spa day, or charter a private plane and send you on a tropical vacation. For now, I ask that my thanks suffices.

thankyou

I want to thank all mothers. I thank the poverty-stricken, inner city mother, who uses public transportation to go everywhere, in all weather, and never allows her weary body, empty stomach, or sore feet to stop her from doing what she feels is best for her children.

I thank the middle class mother, who drives everywhere for her children. She takes them to this practice and that practice. Practice, practice, practice. Those never-ending practices. She drives them to school, and then after school activities. The activities, like practices, are never-ending too, but she doesn’t complain. She drives them to play dates. She is always in a rush. I call them “Starbucks Mothers”. All they need is some caffeine and a bagel, and they can go all day. Nothing can stop them, not even speed bumps in the road.

middle class

I thank the wealthy mothers. I thank them for teaching their children that money does not define a person, and that they should have friends of all socio-economic backgrounds. I thank the wealthy mother who hosts events for her children and her children’s peers at her home, and she makes sure everything goes just right. She is polite to everyone. She is classy and courteous without effort, because it is what she is.

Palm-Beach-Mansion-at-night-with-pool-fountains

I thank the equator mother. You don’t know what an equator mother is? It is a mother who works under the hot ass sun, for pennies an hour, in some foreign country that is “equator hot” because it is on the equator. Some of those countries are Indonesia, Ecuador, Columbia, and Brazil. One of those countries is Somalia.

somalia

I served in Somalia with the Marines in 1992. I remember it was hot as hell. I guess you can call it “Africa Hot”, because Somalia is on the continent of Africa. We were in Somalia on a humanitarian mission. The country and ocean ports were being controlled by warlords. Water and food was scarce. In street terms, we were there to “regulate shit”. (Sorry for the curse word mothers, it’s for effect).

I remember seeing mothers in Somalia walk long, and I mean l-o-n-g, distances to get water and basic food for their children, under the hot sun. If you are wondering why they wouldn’t just walk in the evening or at night, when it was cooler instead, that is a good wonder. Well, let’s just say that bullets flew everywhere at night. Walking at night was not an option. So during the day, they would walk miles and miles with a smile even. Many of the women would be walking carrying a baby on one side, and water and edible goods on the other. I would stare at them, and couldn’t help but wonder what would become of them and their children once the Marines left.

somalian woman

I thank mothers of all skin tones. From the melanin rich mothers, to the melanin deficient mothers, who produce children of all skin tones.

albino boy

I thank the Caucasian mother who adopts a child that is not of her ethnicity, skin tone, etc. Her and her husband adopt that child and love him like he is biologically theirs. One of those adopted children is Colin Kaepernick, he is pictured below with his parents.

kapernick and family

He is also the starting quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

St. Louis Rams v San Francisco 49ers

And for anyone wondering if his parents knew he would turn out to be a great athlete, probably not. He was adopted at 5 weeks old. But I am sure he was fast as hell early on, even in diapers.

I want to thank all mothers who adopt, and love and nurture their adopted children, like most mothers love and nurture their own biological children.

I want to thank the Latin American mothers who come to this country legally and illegally. They don’t know the language, customs, or their way around, but they come and work. They doggedly work as house maids, hotel maids, cooks, dish-washers, and some sell flowers and fresh fruit on highway exits. They do other jobs too. I believe the correct way to say it is, “They are in the service sector of the U.S. economy”.

diego rivera

My mother came here from El Salvador in the late 1960’s. She came here legally with a work-visa and then became a citizen. She busted her rear end cleaning homes for people. For 30 years or so she pushed vacuums and mopped floors, cleaned bathrooms and washed dishes in nice homes. Even throughout her battle with cancer, she worked cleaning homes and she never complained. Her body finally gave in to cancer and its medications on March 31, 2007.

I never got to thank my mother for everything she did for me when I was young. In addition to the house work she did in other peoples homes, she did house work in our home too, including cooking healthy meals, and often on the same day. Where she got that energy, I have no idea. She cooked and cleaned, and my clothes were always spotless and ironed. She was a “Starbucks Mother” before Starbucks existed. Below is a picture of my mother and my sister in about 1979.

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My sister is all grown up now, with a beautiful and energetic daughter of her own. Happy Mother’s Day sister.

I want to thank all you mothers out there for everything you have done for your children, and for everything you will continue to do. I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day too. I do not wish you a Happy Mother’s Day because it is customary, I wish it because I mean it, I really do. I know sometimes we, as your children, forget to say “Thank you mother, for everything you do”, but I hope that my words are a reminder that we, your children, have not forgotten how strong, special, and giving you are. You give so much of yourselves, wanting nothing in return. I have an idea, why don’t you start a fashion trend. Go buy a t-shirt and have “ALTRUISTIC” embroidered across the front, in hot pink of course. I bet you even Angelina Jolie will wear one.

My mothers name was Rosa. In her honor, I give you this rose. I hope that as you read this, on some spiritual highway that interlinks all mothers, my belated thanks reaches and touches my mother wherever she may be. Because only mothers truly understand what other mothers go through in raising children. The rest of us can only wonder. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.

red_rose

How to Make any Woman Smile, Even the Grouchy Ones.

Currently, I am reading “Van Gogh: The Life”. I must say, it is a pretty thick book. Well, I really don’t know how thick it is because I downloaded it on my Kindle, but the little percentage symbol at the bottom that lets the reader know how much of the book has been read sure is moving slowly. It sits at about 17% right now.

Van-Gogh-Self-Portrait

Vincent Van Gogh did most things in his life at a frenetic pace. He had a frantic mind. He read fast, walked fast, and drew and painted even faster. In about 10 years time of his adulthood, he created 860 oil paintings and 1300 watercolors, drawings, sketches and prints. In the art world, that’s mucho trabajo en poquito tiempo.

Vicente, as I know him, was an introverted child that liked to take long solitary walks in the woods. Much to his sisters dismay, he collected beatles and other bugs, took them home and categorized them. He had an infatuation with nature that would stay with him throughout his life and is reflected in his art. I am not an art expert, but even I can make that observation. Here, you be the judge.

starry-night

Starry Night

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Dude on a Canoe (I named it that)

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Bridge and Water (I named it that too)

Vincent’s mother, Anna Cornelia Carbentus Van Gogh, taught her children to appreciate nature, especially Spring. She planted gardens in their yard and all the children learned names of different flowers and how to best cultivate them. One of the things Anna taught the Van Gogh children was that the best gifts are hand-made, and I agree.

Anyone can save a few bucks and take a woman to dinner. Anyone can save a few bucks and buy a woman a purse, earings, or any other material object. Anyone can save up and send a woman on a great spa day. These gifts are great, but there is a much more economical way to make a woman smile with gratitude. I guarantee she will save the gift I am about to show you how to make, forever, and forever is a long time. Forever is such a long of a time that it is neighbors with infinity.

First you need some materials. A piece of blank paper of any color and some markers will suffice.

papers and markers

Now fold the paper in half, so it looks like one of those Hallmark cards you buy at the last minute when you remember that you forgot some special occasion. Next, you express yourself on the inside of the card. Go ahead, spill your guts. Let the kind emotions flow. It doesn’t matter how good your penmanship or penwomanship is. What matters is the effort, and women love effort. Here, it can look something like this.

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Here’s another example

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If you are not sure what to write, kind honesty seems to always work great. If she’s a great cook, tell her that. If she’s a good friend, tell her that. If she’s a great dresser, tell her that. If she’s a great mother, definitely tell her that. Women love the expression of true, kind, and loving feelings. And they can detect bull s*#t a mile away, so don’t B.S. them.

You’re still stuck on what to say huh? Don’t worry, that is called writer’s block. For many men it is called “Expression Block”. That’s why many women drag their husbands away from their “man-caves” to marriage counseling, so their men could “express” themselves. Some men have a difficult time communicating their feelings unless they have a few adult drinks. Guess what men? This isn’t marriage counseling. You can have a few drinks before you make the card. Do whatever it takes. The woman you give this card to will be very appreciative of it, even if you were in a drunken stupor when you created it.

mixed drinks

Ok  married men, you are now probably buzzing, and that is fine because now you have to draw. I know, art sucks, but this is for a special woman in your vida. Remember you folded the paper, made it into a card, and wrote nice mushy stuff on the inside? That was only half the job. Now you must draw something, anything, on the outside of it. You’re stuck again? If you must, go ahead and have another drink, make it a double, while I give you some ideas. This card you are making is so powerful that it might keep you out of marriage counseling and in your man-cave, tool shed, garage, on the golf course, or any other place that makes you happy.

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Above, is a plain heart and the sun. It’s simple, and any woman will love it, especially if you can’t draw because she knows it took effort for you to make it. And what do women love gentlemen?…That is correct, effort. Here’s something else you can draw…

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It looks like a flower or something, but who cares what it is. She will LOVE the effort!! Go ahead, draw something, anything, on the front of the card. You can even draw a happy face. SHE WILL LOVE IT, and you, even more for making it.

If you’re a married man and you are a provider, you might be thinking “I already do so much. I work, I provide, I’m loyal, and she knows I love her”. You are correct. But this is not about you and what you do; this is about her. This is about putting a smile on your wife’s face and bringing gratitude to her soul through your effort and honesty. Women love to be reminded that they have not been forgotten. Read that again.

This is not just for husbands out there. This is for sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, and everyone who has a woman in their life that is special, and would like to communicate that to them in a non monetary way. Making a card for that special someone works. I speak from experience.

I have given my wife many gifts throughout our time together. Some gifts I had to save up for months for, and others, not so much. But guess what gift I gave her one day that she truly values years later? You guessed it, a hand-made Birthday card with my emotions spilled on the inside of it. How do I know? She tells me so. Here is the outside of it. The inside is between me, her, and a folded piece of paper.

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Mother’s Day is this weekend and the art stores are stuffed with different color markers and paper. Any and all mothers will love a hand-made card with decorations on the outside and real emotions on the inside. I will let you in on a little secret. Women love these cards because they see themselves in them. They accessorize and decorate themselves on the outside, and are full of emotions on the inside, just like the cards.

You will score major cool points by handing a woman you care for a hand-made card. You can thank me later with a hand-made card telling me how awesome my idea was.